Something's wrong.
I don't really have a name for it. Waning interest? Hobby fade? Flat creativity?
See, once in a while I look at all of the things I do, and my eyes glaze over and I wonder why I do them, and I suspect that they're all an utter waste of time. But not a waste of talent, because part of the experience is the belief that I have no talent and that aspiring to demonstrate any is amusing. Funny. Ha.
I assume that it's a form of depression, but I don't know where it comes from. Last time, I theorized that it was a result of eliminating online perfume shopping--not on the theory that online perfume shopping is an urgently important thing, but instead on the theory that shopping, even when it doesn't often lead to buying, produces dopamine.
But last time wasn't as bad as this time threatens to be. Then, I was, I think, adequately confident that there was talent in there, and I just lamented that I was too disinterested to do anything with it. This time? Meh. Why bother? I'll never produce anything worthwhile anyway, at work or in my hobbies.
Yes, there is a part of my brain still saying, "Stop that! Of course you have talent, you're just wallowing! You just have to put some work into...something. Remember that ten thousand hours thing?" Then another part of my brain is replaying Danny DeVito in Matilda saying "Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad," and telling me that I'm not even good at making Jell-O salad and I'm probably fooling myself about the fried chicken.
Writing? Feh. Flat burblings; a waste of time.
Gardening? Meh. I prepped too much ground and I can't even take care of it. And all those flowers in the yard at home come from other people's work.
Sewing? Pfft. I don't even press the clothes that I sew. Everybody else is doing Me-Made May, and look at what I'm wearing--some no-press white shirt that I bought from Eddie Bauer.
Perfume? Eh. I've fallen behind. I have nothing original to say. I know nothing.
Meh. Feh. Bleah. Pfft.
Maybe I need to eat a great deal of chicken.
Image: Wikimedia Commons.
.jpg){kind=link}
you are one of the most creative and amazing people I know and I benefit every week from your writings, your gardenings, your creative doings. My world would be a much sadder and much less creative place without you.
ReplyDeleteGet a lot of sleep, eat and drink a lot (and when I say drink, I mean alcohol), sleep it off and see how you feel in a few days. :)
ReplyDeleteI get into such moods as well and what I do is what I said in the first sentence, except for the sleeping part as with food and drink come the books for my soul (i.e. Harry Potter series).
And don't do anything of the stuff you usually do. Take some time off to be physically indulgent.
Yes, I should have added - turn to your all time favourite book too. :)
I agree. Take some time off and do something different. Nobody can manage the same treadmill all the time.
ReplyDeleteSo yeah, drink, read something you never have before, try eating something different, and walk. Simply moving is a great cure all.
There's a writer in there, she just needs to come out and smell the roses.
This is a great catalogue of my internal dialogue too, except that I've come to the conclusion that it doesn't matter if I'm any good at any of my hobbies - it only matters to me whether I keep doing them. For what I get out of them, talent is less importance than perseverance.
ReplyDeleteI'm confident you'll reach a conclusion / decide on a next step / achieve homeostasis / other. In the meanwhile, I think alcohol and movement are great suggestions. It's summer! We're not meant to be thinking, anyway, right?
Thanks, everybody! Eating, sleeping, drinking, reading, and moving all sound like a plan. I'm still showing a lack of sprightly interest (though apparently I'm feeling weird enough to use the word 'sprightly') but at least I don't seem to be descending further into the meh fog.
ReplyDeleteI can only echo what the others have said - be kind to yourself, get out in the sunshine, enjoy life's little pleasures, different ones if possible. What you are doing is always valid and worthwhile - even the parts you may dismiss as inconsequential and rambling are entertaining and thought-provoking to your readers!
ReplyDeleteHave some tea! You're one very talented writer. I am missing your blog updates.
ReplyDeleteVanessa! Melody! Thank you. :) I do really appreciate the support.
ReplyDelete